Vehement Love
by Alaxyn
Summary: Seifer loves Roxas more than anything in the world but when he starts to hurt Roxas, he starts to doubt himself. Roxas stays with him, but Seifer doesn't know why.


_So this idea came to me when I remembered a project I had to do for my English class, it was about Domestic Violence and I read in a book somewhere that some people abuse their lover because they want them to stay with them so they use force... I know that sounds kinda crazy but C'est la vie. **  
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><p><em><strong>Marriage – a religious ceremony formed by two people to live together as a married couple in commitment to each other. <strong>_

_**Domestic Violence – violence committed to a person living in one's home, especially family related and spouses. **_

It hadn't been long since Seifer and Roxas had married, Roxas knew Seifer was the one since he first met him at his job. Seifer was his manager and Roxas started to grow strong feelings for him everyday he went to work as a simple cashier, his heart nearly burst the day Seifer asked him out on a date with a smirk played on his lips. After that date they went on more and more, until they were officially a couple in love. They dated for one year, then Seifer asked for his hand and they were engaged for another year before they officially married, Roxas was always gay and many people supported him for it, he didn't need a coming out of the closet faze. He kept his friends and always visited his loving family, he led a normal life.

Roxas noticed the first thing about Seifer that made him trip and stumbled at nearly the thought of him was his bad boy demeanor. As manager, he could wear anything he wanted and it wasn't a big business, just your average Men's Designer store, but Seifer dressed as if he was about to tell someone off everyday. His long white coat with a small blue vest underneath, his purple-ish long pants and his black boots and gloves made him look all the more handsome; he also wore a hat with symbols Roxas didn't understand on it, but how he dreamed of ripping off that hat and touching Seifer's hair, knowing it would feel full and luscious.

After a few months of being married Seifer and Roxas left their job, realizing their relationship could hurt business. They said goodbye to their co-workers and headed out the door. Seifer found a new job and Roxas worked from their apartment located in _Twilight Oaks. _Roxas always used to pass this place and dreamed of living there one day; it was a gated community with the most beautiful white and light blue apartments Roxas had ever seen. The people were all around friendly and all the front and back yards looked like they had been ripped out a garden magazine.

Roxas felt as if everything had just fell into place the moment he walked in for his first day of work from his bedroom and sat down at his desktop: he got his dream home, his dream hottie, and his dream life. Though, everyone knew that nothing this real could last forever. Roxas knew the moment his life skyrocketed with greatness that that rocket would soon crash and explode into a million pieces, leaving him floating in space. Roxas knew it would happen but he didn't think the cause of it would be one person he trusted and loved the most: Seifer.

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><p>It all started when Seifer unexpectedly just one day came home and attacked Roxas, usually he came home and kissed Roxas passionately but today Roxas was thrown to the floor and punched in the stomach and face. He tried to talk to Seifer, who was in such a fury that his words didn't seem to even faze him; Roxas did all he could do: scream. Seifer stopped as soon as he started and backed away from what he'd done, he ripped off his hat and ran a trembling hand through his blonde hair as he paced back and forth mumbling to himself. He turned to Roxas and knelt down next to him, wiping away the tears that were leisurely falling from his bright, blue eyes.<p>

"What have I done…?" Seifer whispered, "Roxas, I'm sorry." Seifer raised Roxas's left hand and kissed the ring that was placed on his ring finger, Seifer always did that when he had done something drastically wrong. It was like a way to apologize for their marriage, it hurt Roxas every time he did it. Roxas let himself be pulled off the floor and into Seifer's warm arms, the last of his coldness melting away as Roxas put himself closer to Seifer.

"Seifer, what's wrong?" Seifer shook his head and looked down at Roxas with somewhat sad eyes; they bore into Roxas making his heart skip a beat. Seifer raised his chin and kissed him, like he would have done a few moments ago on a regular day of coming home from work.

"Nothings wrong, I just snapped. When I was walking up the stairs…I felt this urge to just attack," Roxas noticed Seifer's fist clench; "I don't know what came over me." Seifer let go of Roxas and headed in the direction of their bedroom, Roxas saw him start to take off his shirt as he closed the door behind him; he knew he was going to take a shower. Roxas knew all about Seifer's past, how he lived in an orphanage his whole life without knowing his parents or any of his family and when he got older he used to get into street fights all the time. Seifer told him all that, but despite the rude and vicious vibe he sensed in him, Seifer always treated him with a gentleman behavior and that's why he stayed with him.

Roxas went back to work, hearing the running water come from their bedroom as his fingers pounded the keyboard though no matter how hard he tried to forget, he couldn't stop the images of Seifer just then, the look of pure rage in his eyes. Roxas would never fail to remember it.

_That was the first attack._

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><p><em><strong>Commitment – the act of pledging or engaging one's self to be committed.<strong>_

_**Trust – reliance on a person or thing; hope. **_

Roxas and Seifer had been married for a good eleven months and they had known each other for three years, Roxas was surprised they could even handle each other for that long. Though they had been together that long, they never had sex. Seifer was ready and willing but Roxas always needed more time, time that Seifer respected. Sure Seifer teased him every once in a while, nipping his ear or neck sometimes but he never went further than that unless Roxas beckoned him to and that's how Roxas gained trust in Seifer. He knew Seifer wouldn't hurt him, unless he wanted him to. Friday had just been a mistake, Seifer wouldn't hurt him again.

Roxas woke up in his usual white bed sheets and stretched, looking outside the window to the view of a tree. He smiled and noticed Seifer wasn't next to him, but he could hear Seifer making noise from somewhere. _Sunday. _Seifer didn't work Sundays and neither did Roxas, they treasured Sunday and the time they could spend together. Every Sunday they promised to do something together, just the two of them.

Roxas beamed at the thought of what they would do today, maybe go out for lunch? Or watch a new movie that was coming out? Or just take a stroll, holding hands, through the park – whatever they did Roxas knew he would enjoy it like he always did.

Roxas got up, made his side of the bed, did his morning routine and went to look for Seifer and what all the noise was about. The sound was coming from the kitchen; he saw pots on the couch and cups tossed on the dining room table.

"Seifer?" Roxas asked when he didn't see the older man; a pan went flying over the kitchen counter and landed on the floor making a loud clashing sound. Roxas went around the wall and into the kitchen, to see Seifer furiously flinging everything that was in a cabinet located in the kitchen. "What are you doing?"

"My coffee cup, my favourite one, I can't find it anywhere." Seifer said, throwing other cups onto the floor; glass shattered all over the black and white tiled floor but he ignored it and continued on with his rampage, making sure to step around the glass.

"Seifer, stop, I broke that cup a few weeks ago. Remember?" Seifer stopped his hunt and turned to Roxas, grabbing him by the shirt collar tightly and lifting him off the ground. _That look… his eyes. _

"You broke it?" Seifer growled, his breath reeling over Roxas's nose as Roxas struggled to get out the painful grip by kicking and clawing at Seifer's hands.

"Yes, I accidently dropped it. I told you about it Seifer, now please put me down. You're hurting me." Seifer looked at the ground then back to Roxas and Roxas saw a flash of something in his eyes and knew what he was planning to do so he struggled more, desperately.

"Fine, I'll put you down." He carried Roxas right above the shattered glass shards and threw him down, Roxas screamed out as glass slashed his skin and blood found its way out and onto the floor. Roxas closed his eyes in agony and wondered what had possessed Seifer to do such a thing, Roxas looked up at his lover and saw his eyes change. Seifer grabbed the sides of his hair and pulled, letting out an irritated groan. He looked down at Roxas and shook his head.

"Oh fuck, not again." Seifer quickly picked Roxas up, carefully avoiding shards and took him to the bathroom that connected to their bedroom. He looked carefully at Roxas' right side of his body, shards stuck out from his skin and some were so deep he would need tweezers to get them out. Seifer quickly got a pair of tweezers and took all the shards out, throwing them in a spare grocery bag to dispose of them later then he got out the first-aid kit and coated a cotton ball with peroxide. He dabbed at Roxas' arm and parts of his legs, Roxas hissed every time the cotton came in contact with his tan skin and every time Roxas hissed Seifer would apologize with worried eyes.

"Seifer…."

"Roxas please don't speak, just not yet." Roxas nodded and let Seifer bandage him up from his shoulder blade down to his elbow, where the cuts were most damaging. Seifer put away the first-aid, disposed of the garbage bag and cleaned up the kitchen. Roxas went into their bedroom, after he heard Seifer lay down on the bed, which was just outside the bathroom to see Seifer on the bed sprawled out with his arms crossed over his eyes. Roxas walked over to him and touched his leg.

"I'm fine Seifer."

"Your fine Roxas, I'm not. I keep doing this to you and I don't want it to get worse." Roxas touched Seifer's hands and pulled them to his face; Seifer loved the smoothness of his skin and wanted to melt into it forever.

"It won't get worse, I trust you Seifer."

"You still trust me after that? I could have killed you if you lost enough blood."

"I trust you Seifer." Roxas repeated, kissing his hand. Seifer pulled him down closer by the hands and kissed his lips, gently, trying not to hurt Roxas more than he already had. Seifer knew it was bound to get worse and who knew what he would do next or when he would do it. Seifer just had to trust himself to keep control and if he couldn't; he'd seek help. He wouldn't hurt Roxas anymore, he was too precious.

"I love you Roxas." Seifer whispered once he pulled away from Roxas's lips.

"I love you too Seifer." Roxas said with a warm smile, Seifer didn't want to see that vivid smile fade because of him.

_That was the second act of violence. _

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><p><em><strong>Fear – an emotion aroused by pain, danger, evil, etc. <strong>_

_**Violence – rough physical force, action, or treatment. **_

Two weeks passed by since that incident, Roxas's arm healed and they went about their lives as if none of it had ever happened. Roxas worked at home and Seifer went to his new manager job, Seifer came home and kissed Roxas as passionately as he could to show he was good and would remain good.

"Seifer," Roxas said one day once he got home, "you're getting better." They both had to admit that Seifer hadn't touched Roxas in a quite a while, he really was getting better but that didn't mean he would let his own guard down against himself. He still needed to figure out why he had attacked Roxas in the first place, Roxas hadn't done anything to him. Roxas even went out and bought Seifer a new coffee cup that was much better than his other one, Seifer kissed him for so long after that to the point where they both couldn't breathe to thank him.

"I have been getting better, haven't I?" Seifer said with a smirk set on his face. "Would you like to reward me?" Seifer hinted, bending forward and biting Roxas's ear ever so slightly. Roxas held back a soft moan and spun around in his computer chair to face Seifer.

"Maybe I should…." Roxas said, getting up from his chair and throwing himself into Seifer's arms and kissing him ferociously. Seifer held him close by the small of his back, kissing him back and licking the younger blonde lips to ask for access. Roxas pursed his lips tighter and smirked, Seifer pinched his side lightly and as Roxas was about to yell at him, he took the opportunity to investigate his mouth. Roxas forgave him apparently as they continued to kiss and Roxas lifted Seifer's shirt up slightly. Seifer smirked and broke apart from him to let him take it off, Roxas looked at Seifer's completely built body. Sure he'd seen it before, hundreds of times, but it looked different through lust filled eyes

"Roxas, do you want this? Are you sure you're ready? You don't need to jump into it." Seifer asked, his eyes filled with as much lust as Roxas' were but he still took the time to respect Roxas. _I trust you, Seifer. _

"I'm ready." Roxas said, taking off his own shirt. Seifer scanned him, he wasn't as too brawny but he wasn't scrawny either. Seifer looked at Roxas once more before picking him up by the waist and throwing him over his shoulder. "Hey!" Roxas protested and Seifer gave him a good slap on the ass, the sound of his loosely fitting jeans echoing slightly in the room. Seifer carried him to their bedroom and threw him down on the bed, then proceeded to climb on top of him; kissing him everywhere he could: the lips, the neck, his chest, and anywhere that skin was exposed. Roxas let out the first real moan Seifer had ever heard from him and fueled him more, sending him into a small frenzy.

"Roxas, lift your hips." Seifer said his voice more rough and needy. Roxas followed his command and raised his lower body; Seifer pulled his jeans off and threw them on the floor, he took off his own and tossed them aside. Roxas moaned and rolled his eyes back at the contact between his need and Seifer's, it felt so good, he wondered why he didn't want this earlier. What could be wrong with this when it felt so… right? But Roxas had seen the movies, heard the stories, and saw it firsthand. Sometimes everything went wrong after this or they lived happy lives for the rest of their years, but Roxas feared that once Seifer had him that he'd be tired of him with nothing left for Roxas to offer; that's why he had to hold himself back from Seifer, for just that reason.

"Seifer, stop, I can't after all." Seifer stopped, he always stopped. Roxas did it all the time: he teased Seifer, made him hot and ready, and then just stomped on the brakes. "I'm sorry." Seifer heaved a sigh.

"Roxas, I can't take this much longer. I don't mind waiting for you until the end of time but please don't tease me: it hurts." Roxas looked at Seifer, who was still atop of him and stared into his cyan colored eyes. He couldn't see anything until it happened again – Seifer's eyes changed into that look, that crazy look he always got before Roxas got hurt. Roxas tried to smoothly slide from beneath Seifer but the older blonde pinned his arms and attack his lips, silencing him and trapping him.

"Seifer, don't go any further than this. Think about what you're doing, you're not a bad person Seifer." Roxas said once Seifer stopped kissing him, Seifer seemed to take a moment to process his words but they didn't change the look in his eye.

"If I'm not bad, why won't you let me have you? Why can't I love you Roxas? Why?" Seifer whispered forcefully, Roxas didn't have an answer for him, he knew Seifer wouldn't understand especially not in this demon like state. Seifer smirked and made his way down Roxas, holding him down every time he tried to escape.

"Seifer… please." Roxas whispered one last time as Seifer reached his boxers, slowly pulling them down to expose his most private area. Seifer licked his lips and attacked; Roxas arched his back and gave a small cry, his eyes filled with tears as he looked down at Seifer who was licking and sucking him the way he only dreamed of. He came at just the thought; Seifer smirked up at him as Roxas avoided eye contact. _I hate those eyes. _

"Tell me Roxas, does it feel bad?" Roxas shook his head, sniffling slightly and blinking back the tears. "No? Then let me enhance the pleasure." Roxas shook his head again.

"Seifer, if you go any further than this – I swear, I'll… I'll leave you and never come back!" Roxas shouted, Seifer pursed his lips as if to think about the consequence of not having Roxas around anymore and apparently it didn't matter to him as he tossed the last of his clothes onto the ground.

"As long as I can love you…." Seifer whispered, licking his fingers to coat them in saliva. Roxas knew what he was doing, Roxas fought as Seifer had one of his hands occupied but the more he fought, the more Seifer's grip began to hurt and it was effortless to tell it would leave bruises. Compared to Roxas, Seifer might as well have been Superman with his strength.

"Ah!" Roxas yelled then bit his lip as Seifer stuck one finger inside him, breaking his virgin barrier along with what everything Roxas stood for and where they stood in their relationship. Beating Roxas was one thing, throwing him on shattered glass might have been pushing it, but this was the limit. Roxas managed to slip his leg from under Seifer's arm and kicked Seifer in the chest, pushing him away and out of him. Seifer almost fell off the bed but caught himself just in time, Roxas was ignoring the pain and trying to get away but the moment he stood up Seifer grabbed his wrist and pulled him back down. His face crashed into a pillow and he lay down on his stomach, he turned his head so he could breathe as his "so called lover" leaned forward and whispered into his ear.

"The more you resist, the more it hurts the both of us." Seifer growled, kissing his back and making his way down again. Roxas knew it hurt to struggle but that didn't mean he wouldn't. Seifer stuck his finger back inside him, moving it slowly in and out, letting Roxas get a small feel for what was to come. Roxas withstood any urge to moan or cry out; he would not grant Seifer the pleasures of hearing him cry out for him.

"Seifer, this is rape." Another finger was added as a response; Roxas hissed and clenched his teeth, bearing the pain but wanting so badly for it to stop completely.

"I'll report you, don't think I won't." Roxas said using all the hatred he could in his weak voice, but his voice cracked. Seifer kissed his neck and stuck one last finger inside him, stretching him until he felt he would rip apart.

"Are you ready to be loved Roxas?" Seifer said, removing his fingers and replacing them for something else. Roxas could feel him brush against his virgin area; he could feel the pain already… how unbearable. Roxas couldn't let Seifer do this, especially when he wasn't even himself. Seifer pushed himself a little in, Roxas' eyes widened and he gathered every inch of voice he had left, taking a deep breath.

"HELP ME! PLEASE! SOMEONE PLEASE SAVE ME!" Roxas screamed like he was the next victim in a bad horror movie, the piercing shrill of his screams bounced off the walls and apparently took Seifer's attention for he pulled away from him. Roxas quickly got up and searched Seifer's eyes; he smiled slightly once he realized they were back to normal. Seifer groaned and held his head with one hand, he looked tired and desperate.

"Roxas, get me help. Call a doctor, a psychologist. Don't let me do it again." Seifer cried, tears weren't falling from his eyes but you could hear them in his voice.

"Seifer." Roxas went to hug him and Seifer backed away from his touch.

"I almost – and you still love me? Roxas don't forgive me for this. I almost did what I promised myself I wouldn't do since I married you. I promised not to hurt another innocent person again."

"I trust you Seifer."

"Stop saying that!" Seifer yelled, gripping Roxas's shoulders and shaking him furiously. "Why can't you see the danger of what I'm doing to you? Why is it always okay with you? I ALMOST RAPED YOU ROXAS, WOULD YOU TRUST ME IF I DID?" Seifer shook Roxas with every word, he stopped when tears started to flow down Roxas's face and his hands began to tremble. Roxas screamed, somewhat like how he did before but with more fear. Seifer pulled the blonde into his still bare chest, muffling his screams and hugging him like his life depended on it, he kept holding him even when Roxas clawed at his back. Roxas's screams died down until he was just crying softly, Seifer ran his hand through the spiky blonde hair trying his best to calm him down.

"I – I trust you Seifer." Roxas repeated it until it started to sound like a mantra in Seifer's head. In that moment, Seifer realized that he and Roxas shared a bond much deeper than either could probably imagine. Seifer could kill someone, in cold blood, and Roxas would probably still tell him he trusted him. If Seifer was in his shoes, he would have left long ago. What made Roxas stay? He had no idea, but he was thankful for it; he wanted Roxas by his side.

_It was the third strike, Seifer was out. _

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><p><em><strong>Psychology – the science of human mind and behavior.<strong>_

_**Subconscious – the mind beneath or beyond consciousness. **_

Seifer came home on your average Monday; he walked up the stairs to his apartment and opened the door once he fished the key from his pocket. Seifer opened the door and saw Roxas asleep at the keyboard, he couldn't help but grin at the boy as drool hung slightly from his open mouth and he snored lightly. Seifer needed to speak with him though, so unfortunately he had to disturb him.

"Roxas? Wake up." Seifer whispered, shaking him enough to wake him. Roxas shot up and snorted real loud before he focused on Seifer.

"Your home? Welcome home." Seifer nodded.

"Sorry to wake you, but I had to ask you something important."

"What is it?" Roxas asked, getting up from his computer chair and standing in front of Seifer.

"I called a psychologist, Dr. Jonsi, and I asked to come in as soon as possible to fix all of this mess. I'll be going tomorrow and taking a work day off, I was hoping you would go with me… you know, for support? I know it sounds silly but if you're with me, I feel calmer." Roxas smirked slightly and Seifer gave him a smug look. "Don't think I need you to be with me, I was just wondering if you wanted to be."

"Of course, I'll go with you Sei." Roxas said, using a nickname that he once heard Seifer's mom call him.

"Oh, please, don't call me that." Seifer groaned and Roxas laughed, Seifer suddenly snatched Roxas by the waist and pulled him closer. "Don't think I don't know of ways to tease you worse." Roxas blushed and Seifer kissed him, a kiss that made Roxas's knees buckle but Seifer held him up.

"I don't think your bad Seifer; I think there's just something bugging you." Roxas randomly stated once they separated.

"I know you don't, I just want to know why you need to get hurt on account of me." Seifer said, stroking Roxas' tan cheeks; they were so soft.

"I guess the Doctor can deal with that tomorrow."

"Yeah, I really hope he can fix this. I don't want to hurt you anymore."

"You won't, I – "

"Yeah yeah, you trust me. I know." Seifer smirked and Roxas punched him in the arm, playfully.

"Well, I do."

"I know." They finished their day, it seemed to speed by, Seifer wanted tomorrow more than anything and he could barely sleep once night finally came. He looked over at Roxas's sleeping figure and smiled, caressing his cheek. "I won't harm you again, I swear it." Seifer didn't know when or how but soon he was passed out.

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><p>"Hurry up Roxas!" Seifer yelled from the front door, he was standing there ready and all dressed in black, leaning against the front door with his arms crossed. Roxas got ready with the timing of a woman.<p>

"One second!" Roxas cried for the thousandth time as he rushed downstairs. "Okay, I'm ready." Seifer scoffed and held the door open for him, Roxas rushed out to their silver Honda Accord as Seifer locked the door. "Are you nervous?" Roxas asked as they were on their way there, Seifer didn't take his eyes off the road as he just shrugged. Roxas left it at that, not wanting to probe Seifer anymore than he needed to.

They reached the Doctor's office just in time for the appointment; they rushed into the building and talked to the clerk. She told them was ready to see them in his office, she showed them the way there with a smile and left them to the doctor to attend her duties.

"Seifer Almasy?" The doctor asked the moment they stepped inside, Seifer nodded at him and Roxas followed behind Seifer into the room. "And this is… Roxas?"

"Hi, nice to meet you." Roxas said with his prize smile on his face, the doctor smiled and told them to have a seat in the two black, leather chairs that were seated in front of his desk. It was silent for a moment as they all studied each other and then Dr. Jonsi started asking questions.

"So, why are you here Seifer? What's happening?" Seifer took off his hat and held it in his lap, his leg started bouncing and Roxas reached out and touched it, making it stop. Seifer smiled at him and Roxas smiled back. _That's why I brought you. _

"Well, lately, I've been hurting him. I come home angry or something just doesn't go my way and I attack him. I attack him in ways a married couple shouldn't have to go through. I'm afraid I might kill him if I keep going."

"Any idea what could be causing these attacks?" Seifer rolled his eyes.

"If I knew, I wouldn't be here now would I?" Roxas elbowed Seifer in the arm.

"Its fine Roxas, he's right. Though, what about you Roxas? Are you doing anything to make him mad?"

"Not that I can think have, I mean, I broke his coffee cup but I don't think – I tease him. I tease him all the time, almost letting him have sex with me until I just stop him. I do that a lot maybe that makes him angry?"

"Does it anger you Seifer?" The Doctor asked, shifting the attention back to the older blonde.

"It doesn't bother me that much, but it does irritate me a bit." The Doctor made a noise of acknowledgement.

"Seifer, do you mind telling me about yourself? What was it like for you growing up?" Seifer clenched his fist then released them.

"I grew up an orphan; never knowing the two most important people in a child's life or any of my family for that matter. I was never adopted and I lived at the orphanage, I hated every second there. Once I turned eighteen and they let me out, I got into street fighting to earn money. I won every fight and made my living until I decided to give it up, that I didn't want to do it anymore. I got bored with it and so I applied for a real job and that's where I met Roxas and everything just sort of clicked."

"You grew up never knowing what love was or felt like?" Seifer nodded to answer the doctor's question. "Tell me about the first time you attacked Roxas."

"I was just going home from a normal day of work when suddenly; I just wanted to hit him. I felt like he did something to me, I don't know why and no matter how much I thought against it I couldn't resist."

"Was there something that happened on the way home that might have made you feel this way? What happened at work that day?"

"Well, it was someone's birthday that day. I remember that right before everyone went home, we celebrated his birthday. His wife and kids came to visit him and give him presents. Then we all went home."

"Do you think seeing someone with a family and love could have triggered back past emotions?" Seifer looked down at his hat for a moment, and then looked back to Roxas who was staring back at him.

"Do you think I don't love you Seifer?" Seifer didn't answer; instead the doctor did for him.

"Love can trigger Domestic Violence against a spouse. One can fear that the other will leave them and in order to make them stay, they use violence against them as a way to force them to stay," what the doctor said didn't really click in Seifer's mind at first but once he finished it all made sense to him, "Seifer never had someone to love him back when he was young and now that he found someone to love him, he doesn't want them to leave."

"I get it now." Roxas whispered, touching Seifer's hand.

"Roxas, you're not helping by "teasing" Seifer either, it makes him believe you don't want him to love you. Seifer's subconscious is hardwired to believe that love doesn't exist without force, you need to show him that it doesn't require force to love."

"Should I just give it up to him then?"

"I'm not saying that, but I am saying the teasing has to stop." Roxas nodded and squeezed his lover's hand when he realized how quite he was being.

"Seifer?" Roxas asked, Seifer's head snapped a little like he was awaken from a dream.

"So, my past is affecting my future…? When I finally think my parents couldn't hurt me anymore… they ruin the only love I have…." Seifer said, it was quiet after that with Roxas still holding his loves hand and the Doctor just staring at the two of them. "So, what can I do to stop hurting Roxas?"

"I think once Roxas can fully give himself up to you would be the best, so you know that he loves you and won't leave you." Both pairs of eyes went to Roxas who gasped.

"I can't!"

"I won't force you Roxas." Seifer reassured him.

"Seifer… I'm – I'm afraid to give it up because I'm afraid that after that you'll be tired of me because I have nothing else to give you."

"Roxas, I don't care if you end up bankrupt and living in a box. I'll always stay with you whether you offer me anything or not." Dr. Jonsi cleared his throat.

"Well, until Roxas is ready, I can mediate you Seifer to lessen your attacks on Roxas. Roxas, whenever you're ready will be fine." Roxas nodded, covering his body with his arms as he held himself and got up with Seifer. "Come back next week and let me know of any violent thoughts you feel or anything and here." The Doctor opened his drawer and pulled out a notebook. "Write down how you feel in here." Seifer scowled at the notebook but took it anyway. "I'll see you both next week."

* * *

><p>"I don't see why I have to write in a stupid notebook, can't I just tell him to his face?" Seifer complained, tossing the notebook on the dining room table.<p>

"I'm sorry Seifer, I feel like it's my entire fault for being afraid of your love."

"Hey now, it's not your fault, if it's anyone's fault I blame the person who took my parents away from me. You take all the time you need Roxas, I can wait for you."

"It's been three years Seifer and I still believe you would leave me, who knows how much longer I need."

"Just take your own pace Roxas, it'll be fine." Roxas shook his head and went to their bedroom. Seifer knew where Roxas was coming from; Roxas was all about love if anything and the fact that he was the reason Seifer couldn't feel love must have hurt especially since they were a married couple. Though honestly, if Seifer could go his whole life without love… he didn't mind waiting for Roxas for however long it would take. _Days, Weeks, Months, Years, Centuries; Seifer would wait for him. _

* * *

><p>Seifer visited his psychologist for two years and Dr. Jonsi really did keep Seifer under control, he didn't know why writing and discussing his emotions made he feel calmer but it did and before he knew it he hadn't attacked Roxas at all.; Roxas told them he was finally ready, he swore that tonight he would let Seifer take all he had left to give him. Seifer asked if Roxas was ready as he usually did and this time when Roxas answered, his eyes were strong and confident. Dr. Jonsi said to visit him for a few more weeks even after the sex to make sure things were together.<p>

"Roxas… you're positive?"

"As long as you go slowly for me, I'm sure." Seifer nodded.

"So, uh, when do you want to do it?"

"I don't know… don't we need a mood?"

"What turns you on?" Roxas nearly choked on the spit in his mouth.

"What?"

"What turns you on?" Seifer said again as if it was the most casual question in the world.

"Uh, I don't know. I-I like it when you bite my ear." Seifer chuckled and Roxas pouted with red cheeks. "What? You asked me what I liked."

"I didn't know you liked that." Roxas turned away from Seifer, crossing his arms and stomping a foot on the ground.

"Well, I do!" Seifer grabbed Roxas from behind, pulling him close to his chest as he bent down and nibbled his ear and this time Roxas let out his moan and Seifer smirked against his ear.

"You really do like that." Seifer whispered into his lover's ear again, Roxas turned around and kissed Seifer; Seifer looked at him as he did this and could see the tears stinging his eyes, they weren't sad tears though and Seifer didn't know how to explain them. Roxas pushed him towards the bedroom, maneuvering his way with Seifer having to walk backwards until they collapsed on their bed.

Roxas stripped Seifer of his shirt first, and then unbuckled his belt and yanking softly at his pants. Seifer got up and took them off; Roxas came over and helped him take off his boxers.

"Why do you have so many clothes on?" Seifer asked, pulling Roxas closer to him by the belt hoop. He lifted Roxas's shirt off, kissing his neck as his hands worked his pants and underwear. Seifer heard Roxas moan once his need was released and brushed against Seifer's stomach, he smirked at this of course. "I've never seen you this into it Roxas." He picked Roxas up and wrapped the younger blonde's legs around his waist, to carry him back to the bed, they both moaned as their cock's brushed each other.

"Seifer, promise me you'll be gently." Roxas whispered when he threw him on the bed, Seifer looked down at him and saw just how beautiful he was in that moment. Seifer lifted his chin so he could have access to his neck; he bit his neck and sucked the spot until he left a mark for everyone to see. _You're mine. _

Seifer made his way down from his neck and to the place that craved the most attention, he licked it up and down; feeling Roxas arch his back and cry out again like he did before. Seifer sucked him now and Roxas let out a scream this time, Seifer smirked at him and sucked again.

"S-stop, Seifer." Roxas panted out, Seifer stopped as he asked and for a moment, he thought Roxas was giving up on him again. "I - I want to try it." Seifer nodded and laid down in Roxas's place as Roxas hovered over him; he kissed his neck first and worked down like Seifer had but more awkwardly, once he got to Seifer's cock he took a moment to look at its length. "You're huge." Roxas took an experimental lick and then stuffed the whole thing in his mouth to the best of his ability, he felt Seifer's body tense at the feeling and he let out a groan so Roxas must have been doing it right. He bobbed his head up and down, licking as he did so Seifer reached over to him and yanked him off his cock by the hair, he pulled Roxas up to kiss him and flipped them over as he did so, so he was on top again.

The older blonde reached over to a nearby dresser and pulled out an unopened bottle of lube. "I finally get to smother you in this." He opened the bottle and poured a reasonable amount in his hand; he coated himself then used the rest on his fingers to stretch Roxas out. Roxas seemed to enjoy it more than before now that Seifer was gentle with it, Roxas moaned but cried out when it hurt.

"I love you Roxas, I mean that. You're the only love connection I have and I'll be with you until the end of my time." Roxas smiled up at him, he was about to speak when Seifer pushed into him slowly and his words went to cries of agony. Seifer still went slowly, leaning over to whisper words of comfort to him though it wasn't working for Roxas. Roxas tried to push Seifer away, to make the pain stop and Seifer tried his hardest not to move.

"I-it hurts!" Seifer grabbed Roxas's wrist and pinned them above his head.

"The pain will go away, I swear." Seifer went all the way in and kissed Roxas so he didn't have to scream too loud, tears fell down Roxas' closed eyes but the tears soon faded and the cries turned to whimpers.

"S-Seiiiifer, move." Roxas whined, bucking up into Seifer who hissed with anticipation as he started to move in a slow motion. Seifer watched Roxas's face, he was blushing so hard and his eyes twitched slightly with ever thrust. "Faster, please."

Seifer quickened his pace, the bed creaked under the pressure and Roxas threw his head back and moaned loudly. Seifer released Roxas's wrist and Roxas immediately pulled him into a kiss, moans filled Seifer's mouth as he sped up a notch. Suddenly, Roxas yelled out loud and rolled his eyes back.

"Found it." Seifer smirked; hitting Roxas' pleasure spot over and over and watching Roxas scream his name. "I've always wanted to hear you scream my name." He licked the younger blonde's neck and kissed him there, Roxas was clawing at Seifer's back now as he thrust harder and Roxas moved his hips in time with his and Seifer groaned at the scrumptious friction it created and he felt like his body was on fire. He wrapped his arms around his lover's waist and pulled him up so he was sitting up on his lap.

"Seifer, I'm almost – " Seifer reached down in-between their bodies and grabbed Roxas's length, pumping it in time with their thrusts. Roxas was crying again from the bliss and he knew would come any minute now, Seifer could feel it. The young blonde screamed out one last time before he came and Seifer followed suit, filling Roxas with his seed then collapsing on him in a panting mess; both of them were panting.

"That was… great." Seifer said, smiling down at Roxas.

"I'm sorry for the marks on your back." Roxas chuckled.

"That's fine, I can cover those up but as for the mark I left on your neck…." Seifer touched it. "There's no hiding that in the summer." Which it conveniently was, Roxas sighed then yawned.

"Let's rest; we have to go to the doctor's tomorrow." Roxas nodded, gathering the covers and covering Seifer and himself, he cuddled next to Seifer and smiled.

"I love you Sei." Seifer didn't get mad this time; he was too tired to be.

"I love you too Roxy." Seifer felt so content now as he held Roxas close to him and closed his eyes, he felt as if two weights just lifted from his whole body and he was light as a feather now. He had to admit, sleeping with Roxas was much better than it had been in his dreams and thoughts. He was glad Roxas grew to trust him even if it took a long a time. It was definitely what Seifer needed.

* * *

><p>"Seifer, do you feel better? You stopped writing in your journal." Dr. Jonsi asked, it had been three weeks since the couple first had sex but Roxas didn't want to do it too much on account of it hurt his back and he could barely sit down.<p>

"I don't have any violent thoughts toward Roxas anymore…."

"What about other people?"

"What about them?" Seifer asked, evidently not understanding what the Doctor was getting at.

"Nothing, it looks like your clean though. Right after the sex scene, you stopped writing in this journal. Do you want to keep the journal?" Seifer pondered on it for a moment, why would he keep something filled with ideas to harm his love, though in some ways it could help him in the future if he needed it.

"I don't want it." Seifer finally decided.

"You made good progress Seifer and so quickly, I wish you luck." Dr. Jonsi stood up and shook Seifer's hand, it would be the last time they saw each other unless Seifer snapped again but that wasn't going to happen. Seifer knew he wouldn't do it again.

* * *

><p>"Roxas!" Seifer called once he got home and closed the door behind him, throwing his keys on the counter as he went to look for his lover. He found him asleep in the bedroom; he smiled at the site. Roxas was snoring lightly as he always did, his lips parted slightly, and he looked so peaceful almost as if there were no worries in life. Seifer walked up to him and stroked his cheek, Roxas' eyes twitched before they opened. "Sorry, didn't mean to wake you."<p>

"Welcome home," Roxas said, a sleepy smile on his face, "How did the meeting with the Doctor go?"

"It went well, for now, we can say I'm all better."

"That's great." Seifer noticed Roxas was still sleepy; his eyes closing for a second then snapping back open.

"You can go back to sleep Roxas, it's alright." Roxas shook his head.

"I want to spent time with you." Roxas whined and Seifer smirked.

"We can go out for dinner after you wake up, now get back to bed before I give you a reason to stay in it."

"No! My back still hurts from last time!" Roxas yelled throwing the covers over himself and letting his body drift back to sleep. When Seifer heard Roxas snoring again, he lifted the covers off the young blonde and kissed him softly on the lips.

"I love you, Roxas." Seifer was almost out the door before he heard Roxas speak.

"I love you too, Seifer." Seifer smiled and left the room, closing the door quietly and walking to the living room. He jumped on the couch and turned on the television, he channel surfed for a while until he was positive that nothing was on and turned it off. He kicked his feet up and looked up to the ceiling, thinking about the past few years and everything that had happened.

"I'm glad I at least got a happy ending with you." Seifer realized these words were something he would never had said if he never met Roxas; he realized there were a lot of things he did different after he met Roxas. His whole demeanor changed and he wasn't the same street fighter he used to be, he was gentler and nicer. Seifer shook his head furiously and snorted at the thought. _I'm still bad, I'm no sissy. _Seifer chuckled to himself. _Who am I trying to kid? _

"Seifer, I can't sleep." Roxas whispered, stepping out of their bedroom and rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Seifer thought he looked like a child, as he sat up and patted the spot next to him. Roxas sat down next to him then lay down in his lap; Seifer stroked his hair and looked into those bright, blue eyes. _You changed me, you turned me into a lovesick sap… and I like it. _"Seifer, can we go to dinner now? I'm hungry."

"Sure, go get ready." Roxas smiled his cheeky smile and ran into the bedroom to get changed. Seifer laughed as he did this, thinking of all the good times they'd have together and everything else. He wouldn't hurt Roxas anymore and they'd always love each other. _Love, I never knew it could mean so much. _

_**Love – a feeling of deep affection for another person; desire.**_

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><p><em><strong>AN: Not sure how I feel about how this turned out, it seemed much better in my head. You know when you think of something really good but you don't know how to act it out... that's how this went. =/ Well review and tell me how you thought it went and what I could of done to make it better. **_

_**Constructive Criticism is always welcome. (:**_


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